do you really exist?

I consider myself a self-conscious person. It’s just something that I accept myself and don’t give much thought towards, except for the occasional self-reminder that I shouldn’t be. However, what does it actually mean to be self-conscious? 

The identity of myself exists solely in my mind and imagination. My family sees me differently than my friends would. My manager at work sees me differently than my barber. Furthermore, each person I have met, whether in passing or a close friend, has a version of me in their mind’s eye that is unique to them. In this context, the idea of being self-conscious loses meaning in a way. It’s impossible to be conscious of, much less manage, the versions of yourself that exist throughout the world within the minds of the people you interact with. 

What does this mean for you and I? If it’s not something we can manage, why worry about it? Maybe this is another reason to focus on personal development and self-reflection. If you are the same to everybody, so boldly and unabashedly yourself, it may be possible to concentrate these instances of self into just a few versions of your identity. However, even this is unlikely as perception is defined from the perspective of the observer. 

Maybe this isn’t a subject worth our time. People who aren’t self-conscious are blissfully unaware of this harrowing reality, and it hasn’t affected them one bit. 

But for me, I can’t help but ask, who really knows the you that you know? 

And more importantly, does the you that you know really exist?